


the life they made together

by abo_trash



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Marriage Proposal, Self Confidence Issues, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy, Trans Female Character, Unplanned Pregnancy, mostly??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 03:48:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11328018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abo_trash/pseuds/abo_trash
Summary: “You haven’t been drinking anything tonight,” Heather mumbled over the lip of her red solo cup, a brow raised as Heather looked to her from the corner of her eye. She barely managed to hold back a squeak, straightening up under her girlfriend’s gaze, and bit her lip, unsure of what to tell Heather. She had wanted to wait a few more days, until she was sure, until she could take another test that came up positive. She didn’t want to tell her, and it turn out that she had been wrong the entire time because she had gotten a false positive. But the way that Heather was looking at her, it made her stomach twist and knot, and the pressure of holding her secret in had been enough beforehand. Now though, it was nearly impossible.





	the life they made together

Weeks had passed since Heather McNamara's period was due. If she was completely honest with herself, it had been at least a month ago that she had expected her period. She knew wasn't uncommon for a cheerleader to miss their period from time to time, strenuous physical activity and stress could do that, and she had missed periods because of cheerleading before. It wasn't a big deal. At least, it shouldn't have been a big deal. She shouldn't have been worried about it. She should have just accepted that she wasn't getting a period that month and waited for the next one. It had happened before, and it would happen again.

But this time, it was different. This wasn't like it was the middle of the season and she had been practising all month to make sure they got the routine right. No, school hadn't even started yet, leaving cheerleading out as to why she missed her period. There wasn't any particular reason she should have missed her period. None that came to mind immediately. So when it came up the first time, she had shrugged it off at first, thinking she had miscounted the days, but it was a month overdue now, and it wasn't until another date with Heather Chandler that ended up with Heather slumped against her that it hit her.

At first, the feeling of Heather's head resting so peacefully on her shoulder after their date, Heather's breathing soft and gentle against her neck, was almost enough to lull her to sleep. Heather had finished inside of her earlier, had helped her get off as well, before she had slumped forward on her and pulled her close, intent on cuddling. She had been content to nuzzle the top of Heather's head then, slowly falling asleep in their shared afterglow.

What stopped her from doing so was Heather's fingers, tracing slow and lazy circles across her stomach. Not quite enough to tickle, but enough to make her muscles jump and twitch all the same. As she watched Heather's fingers twist and curl across her stomach, fluids leaking out of her, it hit her exactly why her period could be late. Heather had a habit of releasing inside of her, forgetting to wear condoms in the heat of the moment, and while she had been taking her birth control as far as she could remember, it was possible she had forgotten, or that it wasn't as effective as she had thought it would be. She could very well be pregnant. There could be a little life growing inside her.

The thought alone terrified her. How had that happened? Birth control was supposed to be the ultimate failsafe. It was supposed to mean that they'd never have to worry about a pregnant before they were ready. They hadn't even talked about her getting pregnant, or what they would do if she did. They had assumed the birth control would last, that it would be enough. There was always the possibility that she wasn't actually pregnant, but it still burned in the back of her head, reminding her that her period was long overdue, and there wasn't many other options that could cause her to miss it.

"What are you thinking about?" Heather mumbled against her shoulder, flattening her hand against her stomach and interrupting her thoughts with her voice. She squirmed a little under her touch, feeling her cheeks start to burn, and gave a weak shrug, unsure how to quite bring up what she had been thinking about. How was she supposed to tell Heather that she was thinking about the possibility that she was pregnant? It wasn't even a low possibility, it was highly probable, but she didn't want to worry her if she took a test later and it turned out that she wasn't. Would she hate her, if she was? Would she turn out and break up with her? They weren't out to the public, besides everyone knowing Heather was trans, so no one would suspect that it was her kid. Heather could get away with any consequences, and she'd either be stuck with a kid, or the stigma having an abortion would give her.

Maybe she could... talk in hypotheticals? Just to see how Heather would take it. If Heather took it poorly, then she could hide the possible pregnancy, so Heather would never had to know if the life they'd created together, if she took care of it before anyone else knew. It would be easier than trying to mend a broken relationship because Heather didn't want a kid, and she had gotten pregnant. It had to be. Shakily, she squeezed Heather closer to her chest, and let out a soft sigh, hoping that Heather didn't notice her heart was racing from the pressing anxiety.

"I was just um... Thinking about the future. Like, if we'd want kids, if we'd get married... Stuff like that," she murmured into Heather's hair, feeling her palm shift and rub against her stomach in slow and easy circles that eased her anxiety about the situation, just a little. Heather wasn't jerking away from her, or even seem upset about what she had said, so that was a plus. She was even rubbing her stomach again, and it was one of the few things that Heather allowed to show how weak she could really be. With a small sigh, she rubbed a hand against Heather's back, tracing circles against her, mirroring the movement Heather was making on her stomach.

"Mmm... I'd like kids someday," Heather hummed, shifting to nuzzle against her neck, and squeezed her closer. Heather's answer made her heart swell, excited to know that she wouldn't hate her for getting pregnant, especially considering it wasn't entirely her fault. Heather pressed a kiss against her jawline before she could think more on it, sighing against her skin. "We've already been together for a few years now, and... I wouldn't be opposed to marrying you. Maybe after highschool though, so we don't have to worry about our parents saying we're too young."

Swallowing around the lump in her throat, she nodded slowly, squeezing Heather closer. That was enough to reassure her about everything she needed, and she wanted nothing more than to hold that moment in her heart and take what Heather had said with her for the rest of the school year, until they graduated in May. She could practically imagine it right then. Sitting together in their caps and gowns, Heather squeezing her hand as they listened to the speakers go over the same thing as every year, until they both received their diplomas. Then, Heather pulling her close and getting down on one knee as she pulled out the jewellery box... The thought alone had her flustered, and she buried her face into Heather's hair, letting out a soft sigh.

"Okay. I um... I'm really glad to hear that. I feel the same way... I love you," she sighed, unable to stop smiling against her hair, while she felt Heather grin against her neck. She felt Heather's lips pressing down slowly, going towards her shoulders, and she relaxed back against the bed, biting her lip. She knew what Heather was up to. It was the same thing she always did when she was ready to go for a second round, and Heather grabbing her hips only confirmed that thought. With a small and content sigh, she pressed her hips closer to her touch, loosely wrapping her arms around her neck in hopes that Heather would continue. "Oh... Heather..."

"I love you too... Is this okay?" Heather mumbled against her collarbone, and she nodded slowly, arching up into her touch and tilting her head, so Heather could have better access to her neck, knowing she liked to mark her neck with hickeys that they'd later cover up with make-up to hide them from the world. Teeth grazed against her skin a moment later, and she let out a small whimper, closing her eyes. It couldn't have been more okay, as far as she was concerned, and she wanted nothing more than for Heather to keep touching her. She realised, after a moment, that Heather wasn't going to keep going until she said something, and let out a small huff of irritation.

"Please, Heather... Keep going," she whined, momentarily forgetting her worries about her missing period. Right then, she was focused on Heather's teeth against her neck and her hands on her hips, knowing there was nothing she could do about her suspicions until later anyways, and there was plenty she could do with Heather.

 

* * *

 

“You haven’t been drinking anything tonight,” Heather mumbled over the lip of her red solo cup, a brow raised as Heather looked to her from the corner of her eye. She barely managed to hold back a squeak, straightening up under her girlfriend’s gaze, and bit her lip, unsure of what to tell Heather. She had wanted to wait a few more days, until she was sure, until she could take another test that came up positive. She didn’t want to tell her, and it turn out that she had been wrong the entire time because she had gotten a false positive. But the way that Heather was looking at her, it made her stomach twist and knot, and the pressure of holding her secret in had been enough beforehand. Now though, it was nearly impossible.

“About that… Um… Do you remember what we talked about a couple weeks ago?” she asked, knowing no one would notice their conversation right then. Ram and Kurt were yelling to get everyone’s attention, and even Heather Duke and Veronica had turned to look, so they had a few minutes before everyone lost interest and began to look for them. Heather nodded slowly, still sipping at her drink, and not quite meeting her eye.

“I believe so, if I'm thinking of the right one… What about it, my love?” Heather asked, keeping her voice low. Just to make sure that no one would hear them, she knew that, but it still made it a bit harder to keep her head clear. That low voice was what she had fallen in love with, dripping with hidden affection and care, and she wanted nothing more than to hear more of it. It made her chest a little looser, made it a little easier to breathe. Slowly, she leaned against Heather, just barely, so she could jerk upright if anyone turned to look at them. She knew right then that she would have to just spit it out. There wasn’t much point in hiding it anymore, not with Heather already noticing she was acting weird, and she rubbed one hand across the back of her neck slowly, hesitating for just a moment, before she gathered up the courage.

“Um… Well I’m… I’m pregnant, Heather.” She was practically choking on her words as she spit them out, worried that they would some how come to life and strangle her. It had been her secret since she had managed to sneak to the pharmacy a couple towns over so no one that knew her would see her there, since she had took the test she had bought back to her room, since she had taken it and gotten the little plus that made her chest tighten, and finally spitting it out was hard. She hadn't quite been sure how she was going to tell her, but right then had been as good of a chance as any.

She turned to look at Heather, barely catching her choking on her drink as her words hit her. Heather sputtered and coughed slightly, drawing the cup away from her face, and she was almost ready to see anger there, to see her ready to yell at her. Even though they had talked about it before school had started, she expected Heather to be mad, to blame her for ruining her life. Instead, there was a gentle kindness in her eyes, and accompanying it, something that almost looked like excitement. Slowly, Heather grinned and almost looked ready to bounce on the tip of her toes right then and there, if that had been a socially acceptable thing to do right then. Heather looked around after a moment, and when she saw no one was looking, she started tugging her away from the crowd.

She allowed herself to be dragged, her cheeks burning at Heather’s enthusiasm. She hadn’t quite expected that. She actually wasn’t too sure what she _had_ expected, but enthusiasm wasn’t it. She has expected, maybe a solemn nod, or one of those cocky smirks that told her she knew already, or maybe even hidden anger, but was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. Seeing Heather so giddy, so happy, made everything just a bit brighter, everything a bit easier to digest. It made it a bit easier to accept that, yes, she was pregnant, and it was Heather's. Her Heather's.

After checking a few separate rooms, Heather dragged her into one of the empty bedrooms, the door swinging shut behind them. Then, she rounded on her, practically beaming as she grabbed both of her hands and kissed the back of them. Seeing Heather like this, it was almost overwhelming, but she couldn't help but smile along with her. She had never seen her so happy before, and if she had known that this was the reaction she was going to get, then maybe she could have gathered up the courage to tell her weeks ago, the first time she had her suspicions. Maybe Heather could have came with her to the drug store, could have helped her picked out a test, instead of her doing it alone.

“You're sure?” Heather asked, her tone bright and warm. The same way it always was when it was just the two of them, but just a little bit happier, as if this was the best news she had ever gotten. And looking into her eyes, seeing them sparkle and shine with pure happiness that she hadn't expected to see an hour ago, she could almost believe it was. Slowly, she gave a shy nod, as if her speaking would break the trance, and Heather would suddenly hate her.

“I um… I took a test, and it came up positive… And it's been a couple months since I had my last period… So yeah, I'm sure,” she mumbled, barely able to meet Heather's eye, before Heather's lips crashed into her own. She felt Heather giggling against her lips before she drew back, looking almost like a kid that had gotten a Christmas present early. Heather's arms looped around her before she felt her feet leave the ground, and just like that, they were twirling, spinning. She wrapped her arms around Heather's neck, giggling along with her, and once Heather finally sat her down, she leaned against her fully, almost breathless. Heather hadn't spun her around like that since the first time she had said 'I love you' and before that, when she had agreed to be her girlfriend.

“God, Heather… I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am. I love you, and I promise I'm going to be here for you and the baby. I was… I was waiting for the right moment to ask you this, but I can't think of a better moment than now.” Heather paused, drawing back for a moment, and she took a step back once she did, watching her dig through her purse. In no time at all, Heather drew out a little black box. The sight alone made her heart catch in her throat, and once Heather dropped to her knees, she couldn't breathe. It was surreal, watching the box open in Heather's hand, and seeing the ring that sat inside. She barely managed to look at Heather's eyes, seeing them sparkle and shine. “Will you marry me?”

“Oh! Oh, Heather!” she squealed, kneeling down with Heather. She cupped her cheeks in her hands and pressed a kiss to her lips, tears starting to prick her eyes as she leaned against her. “Yes! Yes, a million times, yes!” Right then, she wasn't too worried about being loud, not caring if anyone heard her. As far as she was concerned, they could hear everything they wanted, and it wouldn't change how happy she was right then. Her chest was swelled to the point it was almost about to burst, and nothing could pop her bubble.

“Oh, good. I didn't think you would say no, but hey, it's good to hear you say yes,” Heather sighed, wrapping one arm around her loosely, and she couldn't help giggling, leaning into Heather's touch. As surreal as it was, she wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to cuddle with Heather. She buried her face in her neck, just as Heather shifted her free hand to rub her stomach, slow and deliberate. It took her a moment to realise exactly what Heather was going, and it was only when she pulled back and looked up at Heather, seeing the content smile that she wore, did it really click. “And hi there, little guy… I know you probably don't know me, and just know that your momma here is really happy… But I am too, and I can't wait to meet you.”

“Heather, there's no way that they can understand you,” she giggled, and Heather shrugged, grabbing the ring box from where it had fell when she had practically flung herself into Heather's arms. She hadn't quite realised she had made her drop it then, and now, she couldn't hide her embarrassment at her enthusiasm, even as Heather grabbed her hand and slid the ring home. Not that she really wanted to hide it, not with the softness in Heather's eyes, something that reserved for her, and her alone. Well, for now. In a few months, she knew that there would be someone else that had that special spot in Heather's heart, and the thought both terrified and excited her.

“I know, but I still want to talk to them as much as I can so they recognise my voice when they're born. It doesn't bother you, does it?” Heather asked cautiously, helping her up to her feet. She leaned against her once they were both standing, slowly shaking her head, and could see the smile Heather was wearing, without even looking at her. She was too busy staring at the new ring on her hand anyways, feeling the solid weight of it all, and knowing that it was a promise to be there for each other until the end. “Good… We should probably get back to the party. They're gonna come looking for us before too long.”

“Yeah… I know,” she sighed, squeezing her eyes shut, and just enjoying the presence of Heather for just a moment more. Once she was content, she straightened up, and took Heather's hand in her own, holding it tight. She wanted to hold it for as long as she could, before they got back to the crowd, and she had to worry about someone noticing the ring on her hand and asking questions she didn't have the answer to. Slowly, she led Heather to the door, and before they left the sanctity the room provided, she made sure to press one last kiss to her lips, just for the night.

 

* * *

 

It was nearly three weeks later that she stood, alone, in the bathroom as she struggled with the cap on her sleeping pills. She could still hear the mock pep rally in the distant echo of what reverberated off the halls, and her cheerleading uniform was too tight in the stomach to be as comforting as it should have been. As it used to be. Then again, nothing was like it used to be. The ring that weighed heavy on her finger reminded her of that. It reminded her of Heather Chandler. Of how happy she had been, to propose to her on the spot after she told her she was pregnant. Of how her lips had felt against her own when they had their small moments together. Of how much she loved her, and how she was gone, gone and never coming back.

The morning after Heather had proposed to her, after she had told her she was pregnant, she had called. It was their morning routine. She would call in the morning, right after she had woke up, and Heather would answer, and for a few blissful moments, they would sit together in their comfortable silence. Heather would normally fall back asleep while still on the line, and once her breathing was deep and even, then she'd get ready. It was just how things were. That morning though, she had called, and no one ever answered. She tried not to think too much of it at the time, had gotten ready for her day like normal, even if something had told her that it wasn't right, that something was wrong.

And it was only later, as she sat down for dinner with her parents, worrying over the fact that Heather hadn't said a word to her all day and wondering if maybe she had done something wrong, that they told her. They had been gentle, had referred to Heather as her best friend, because as far as they knew, that’s what she was. They had told her that she had killed herself and that she was too gone by the time someone noticed to save her. That she had left a suicide note telling people she wasn't who they thought she was, and to give her stuff away. And then, Heather was gone, and she was alone.

Perhaps it was the fact that she didn't even get a passing mention, that she didn't even get a goodbye or recognition for their relationship and the life that they had created together, that tore her up so. Heather hadn't even mentioned that they had been dating since freshman year, didn't mention they were engaged as of the night before, didn't mention she had gotten her _pregnant_. She had been the secret taboo, even in death, that no one else would ever know about. She was Heather's dirty little secret, one not even worth living for, and it was tearing her apart.

She had tried, for the past few weeks, to keep living. She had tried, not for Heather, not for herself, but for their baby. She knew that if anything happened to her, then it was over, and everything that was Heather Chandler would disappear with her. Her line would end, and that would be the end of everything that had kept her going for years now. She had tried to keep living for their baby, because it was the only thing she had left. She had tried to remember what Heather had said, how happy she seemed, and how she had talked to her stomach, because that was what she wanted to focus on, and not the cold way her insides felt after Heather had left her, pregnant and alone.

In the end though, after Heather Duke became some poor mockery of her dead fiancé, it really wasn't enough. All she could think about was her Heather. About the life growing inside of her because of Heather. She would wake up in the morning to a rush of sickness that reminded her of their time together and the bitter sting Heather killing herself without even saying goodbye hurt. The slight swell of her stomach only made things worse, because as much as she pushed down on it, as much as she willed it away, it was ever present, growing inside of her, and somewhere along the way, she started to hate the very thing that had been keeping her alive.

She would look in the mirror and see the bump, and while it was still small and barely noticeable to those who even knew to look for it, she hated it. She hated the way it distorted her frame, of the way it made her think of Heather's hands on her, and hated the way it made her chest feel hollow and empty. It was like it was a parasite, leeching off of what little will to live she had left, until there wasn't anything left for herself. She would glare at her stomach, as if that was the reason Heather decided to kill herself and leave her alone. She blamed it all on the thing they had created, because in the end, it had been the last thing they had seriously talked about as a couple, and the last time she got to talk to Heather as her girlfriend, before she was gone.

And sometimes, when she was glaring at her stomach and wishing she had never said a word to Heather, when she would grumble that she hated her decision to keep herself and the baby alive, she could almost swear she felt hands against her skin, against her stomach. It was the gentle touch that she had felt when Heather had talked to her stomach, and it revolted her as much as it calmed her. It was slowly becoming too much, every day adding on more and more to the pain that was slowly growing in her chest.

The last straw came, when Heather Duke yelled at her. She had opened up a little- not enough to out herself, or Heather, of course, she wasn't stupid- but enough to let them know she was hurting. And to hear the entire population of Westerburg ganging up on her, to know the voice in the back of her head was hissing that she was better off dead and that there wasn't a point for their baby to live with how much she had grown to despise it, it was too much. She had ran off, had found her sleeping pills, and that was where she ended up, struggling to open the cap, growling at the stupidity of their decision, and even going so far as to use her teeth.

Maybe after she was gone, someone would discover that Heather and her had been more than best friends. Had been lovers. Were engaged. They'd discover she was pregnant and word would spread. But now, she was alone. She was alone and she was going to be alone for the rest of her life. She would die as she lived. Alone. The thought almost made her sick to her stomach, but it didn't stop her from tearing the cap off then, from spitting it across the floor, and tilting the bottle back, letting the pills spill into her mouth like candy.

“No! No, no, stop, stop!” Veronica's voice startled her, but not as much as her body colliding against her own did. They fell, in a tangled mess of limbs, and she was tempted to shove her off, but all the same, the concern, the worry there, was enough to keep her from doing anything. Instead, she tried to state her annoyance at Veronica barging in on her when this was a private affair, though it came out muffled around the pills in her mouth. Veronica sat up, pulling her upright too, and she tried not to think about how her belt dug into her stomach, too tight for the swell of her stomach. “Throwing your life away to become a statistic in USA Today? That's like, the least private thing I can think of.”

It hit her then that, maybe, Veronica was right. She pushed away from her, just a little, and curled almost protectively around the swell her stomach made, as if Veronica would notice and lash out at it. No one would, she knew that. No one had so far, anyways, and she doubted Veronica would right then either, too worried about the pills in her mouth. Instead, she did her best to remind her of the three previous suicides at Westerburg, one of them being the love of her life, even if Veronica didn't know the real relationship between them. Still, her absence hurt, had emotionally destroyed her, and she wanted to remind Veronica why she would even think about killing herself, even if it was around the pills she still had in her mouth.

“If everyone jumped off a bridge young lady, would you?” Veronica asked, leaning closer, and even as the tears started falling down her cheeks, she couldn't help but not, spitting out her reply around the pills that were starting to dissolve in her mouth, and trying hard not to choke on the taste. They tasted disgusting, bitter and acidic, and worse than the after-taste of her morning sickness had. Still, Veronica shifted closer, and she was almost ready to push her away again if it came to it. Instead, Veronica grabbed her hand, holding it tight, and at once, her mind was drawn to Heather, to the way her hand had felt in her own. “If you were happy every single day of your life, then you wouldn't be human. You'd be a gameshow host.”

For the first time since she had heard of Heather's death, since she had felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach to never turn, she laughed. Just a little. Not too much, not enough to spit out the pills in her mouth just yet, but enough to let Veronica know she was better. Not just because she was thinking again of the happy moments with Heather, but because she knew Veronica cared, if no one else did. And once again, she felt hands on her stomach, gentle and calm, and the same touch she had felt when Heather had cooed to her stomach the night before she died, and it was enough to tell her that maybe, maybe things could be okay without Heather.

She took her hand from Veronica and spit the pills into it, not caring that they were half dissolved and a disgusting mess. It could be cleaned off later, she decided as she spat a chalky mess into the palm of her hand, and the pressure of the hands on her stomach shifted away. Slowly, she got up on her knees, Veronica shifting alongside her, and met her eyes. There were tears there, brimming but not quite spilling over, unlike her own, streaking her cheeks and leaving her makeup ruined. Still, she swallowed a little of the chalky mess still in her mouth, and sighed. “Thanks for coming after me...”

“Oh, you're welcome,” Veronica sighed, almost exasperated, in the same way Heather was after she cried into her shoulder all night and knew everything was finally gonna be okay. Right then, with the image of Heather running through her mind, with remembering the life they had created together still growing inside her, her emotions swelled, and she flung herself forward, hugging Veronica tight. She buried her face into her shoulder, not caring to sob there unabashedly, and tried hard not to think about what felt like hands around her waist, not until Veronica hugged her back, and she knew for certain that she wasn't alone, and never had to be again, not as long as she had Veronica by her side.

**Author's Note:**

> ????kinda got stuck in an angst off???? so sorry this is so terrible. you can thank otakuubi on tumblr for this horrible hell and yes i cried while writing this agasghflhls.... also terrible title is terrible.


End file.
